Why not me


I say, “why me”?!

He looks at me with a familiar look, like I’ve known him for all of my life and many lives before, I look back into his eyes, and he says, “why not you”?

I think to myself, I wouldn’t want anyone else to feel this pain of loosing a loved one to suicide. I look out the window at the familiar buildings, the cars passing by, a memory of him taking my picture in front of the familiar building painted in a black and white collage of beautiful women, I was pregnant at the time with our son. Memories of us walking down that street and building flashes through my mind.


I realize I am not the first and how I wish I was the last to loose a loved one to suicide, but I am not alone with all these unanswered questions, and similar feelings.

I reflect on the beautiful moments we shared, a smile fills my insides. Yes, why not me.

I return from my thoughts and focus into his eyes, understanding on another plain of consciousness that we are truly all connected, and I must go through this process of feeling, it is all apart of the human experience, no matter how hard, or painful it may seem, it is apart of the human experience, even the waking up process.

I look into his eyes and they tell me to remember, wake up and remember, I’m not just all human, there is spirit dwelling on all kinds of levels. Maybe this spirit is having this collective dream.



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